Where the slag are we
by Wolf-mask
Summary: The Autobots find out that a few of their old, long lost comrades and they have a few prisoners. Of course the Autobots and want to celebrate, and they can't wait till their comrades come. Unfortunately, everything goes wrong. Now, the Autobots and their Decepticon prisoners are scattered across the globe. Unknown to them, the Decepticons know too.


Author's note: If you spot any errors in the spelling, please notify me. Also I hope it's not too ooc.

Cybertronian time measurements-

Breem:8.3 minutes

Cycle: 1 hour

Joor: 2 hours

Trimara: 3 hours

Megacycle: 1 week

Solar cycle: day

Steller cycle: year

Vorn: 83 years

Orn: 1 lunar cycle

Warnings: slash, torture and gore in the future.

Pairings so far: Jazz/Prowl

Disclaimers (c) transformers and characters belong to hasbro, plot line belongs to myself.

* * *

Have you heard the saying "In space no one can hear you scream?" well, that wasn't the case as a red Cybertronian with the Autobot insignia on his chest shouted in pain when part of the wash rack fell on his head inside his crew's ship. The Autobot growled at the thing and kicked its wall in anger. Nearby a golden painted Autobot who almost had the same frame as the red one rolled his optics in irritation "That never works you know, Sideswipe." he called out to the other Autobot, he was leaning against the hull of the ship with crossed arms and legs.

Sideswipe turned to him with a sour look on his face, optics twitching in irritation. He sighed harshly and threw his hands up in despair "Then you try fixing the fragging thing bro!" he snapped and pointed at his brother accusingly. The 'Bot had been trying to fix the damn thing for almost breem now and he was starting to get ticked off at the fact he couldn't fix the thing. Seriously, he could fix their ships engine but he couldn't fix a damn wash rack? It was starting to seriously wound his already hurt his pride.

His twin shook his head in exasperation "I don't know how to fix things dumb aft. Only break them." Sunstreaker replied testily. The only this the golden bot knew how to fix was a mistake on one of his paintings. Unlike his brother, he never really found anything to actually after their time as gladiators. He wasn't funny like him, or as charming, he even just admitted he can't fix things. Wasn't like he cared though. As long as his twin was safe everything was fine.

The crimson Autobot sighed then shrugged. Sideswipe looked back at the now detached wash rack head on the metal floor. He picked it up and tossed it from hand to hand before taking his wrench back out of subspace "I'll try okay." Sideswipe said exasperatedly. In about another breem, he had fixed the cleaning device. Sideswipe stepped back and looked at his handiwork. He nodded in satisfaction at the now fixed wash rack. The Autobot turned to his brother "There, all done." he said stubbornly as he gestured behind himself.

Sunstreaker looked at the wash rack skeptically. After examining the recently repaired wash rack he looked back at his twin "Looks alright I guess." Sunstreaker said skeptically. He pushed past the other Autobot and looked at the wash rack head with an artist's eye. It really did look fine to him. Sunny was just hoping that something like sewage wouldn't come out. That had happened before when his irritating twin had stuck some sort of green slime into the water system. It was almost a full solar cycle before he scrapped all the crud out.

Sideswipe grinned at his brothers haughty skepticism. Hey, it was the closest he'd get to an actual approval outside of battle. He turned on his heel and looked over his shoulder at his golden twin "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go check on out Decepticon guests, like Prowl ordered me to before you oh so kindly interrupted me on the way there." Sideswipe said none too happily, voice dripping with sarcasm. He really hoped Prowl wouldn't punish him this time. Granted, the most the tactician could punish him with was night shift for a megacycle, but he really couldn't afford it. His last prank that involved Bluestreak coming online to fine his peds magnetized to the ceiling had earned him that megacycle of night shifts. He hadn't gotten much sleep because every time he drifted off, Prowl would open a communications line and wake him up, so he was pretty damn tired . No one still found out how exactly he did that, but it was seriously really easy.

The golden twin gritted his teeth and rolled his optics again "Yeah, yeah. Go be Prowl's little guard cyber-dog." he snapped back and turned back to the wash rack, adjusting the shower head. Sunstreaker hopped he wouldn't get in trouble too secretly. It wasn't because he was worried for his twin, it was because he'd have to hear Sideswiped gripping and moaning the rest of the day.

Now that hit a sore spot in Sideswipe's pride. He narrowed his optics and turned back towards his twin. He raised his pointer finger and opened his mouth. Just as he was about to shoot back a witty retort, his com. line crackled to life and Prowl's voice came through. He snapped his mouth shut and narrowed his optics as his superior talked to him, lifting two fingers to the side of his helm.

"_Sideswipe, I must inquire why you have not checked the prisoners as I ordered you.?" _their resident prick said quite forcefully to him. Sometimes Sideswipe wondered if there was a metal rod shoved up that mech's aft. Maybe that was why he sat and walked with a perfect ramrod straight posture all the time.

_That would actually be pretty funny. It'd explain why he's always so grouchy. Hah, I bet Jazz has to remove it when they interface. _Sideswipe thought with a grin. _Wait no, that sounds gross. Ew. Jazz and Prowl interfacing? No, bad sides get your mind out of the gutter. Why would I even think something so disgusting! Come on, think of really pretty femmes. Yeah, like Moonracer. Oh. Wait. Did she date Powerglide? Because I'm pretty sure she did. Okay. No. Stop thinking of things like this! _the crimson Autobot made a disgusted face at that train of thought. His left optic twitched at them. Sometimes Sideswipe just lost his complete train of thought and it downgraded into a more gross train of thought.

"_Sideswipe? Are you ignoring me? If you are, you might earn that megacycle of night shifts back." _Prowl threatened over their communication line. It sounded he really didn't have time to deal with the red part of the twin terrors.

"_Sorry our oh so glorious Prick. But the other half of my duo decided that wasn't important and dragged me to the wash racks to fix it so he could wash the imaginary dust off his finish." _he said none to happily. Seriously, he had just gotten over the irritation his brother caused him. Now, it was coming back full force whispering "Prowl" like some sort of insecticon into his cerebral cortex.

It was silent on the other end of the com. line and Sideswipe figured that that Prowl was doing one or his cyber-ninja relaxation things back at the flight deck to keep him from yelling at the crimson front liner. Sometimes Sideswipe figured that's what Sunstreaker needed to calm his own temper down. It would defiantly be an improvement in his twin's attitude. The line crackled back to life as the tactician started speaking again _"Tell Sunstreaker I need you down there. My younger brother is not used to handling this much insanity caused by Decepticons. Especially those dreaded casseticon twins" _Prowl said none to happily to him.

Sideswipe frowned at the mention of Rumble and Frenzy. Those two were the worst of their prisoners. He and Sunstreaker sometimes threw out ideas back and forth about how Soundwave even kept those two under control. Sideswipe figured it had something to do with threat of deactivation from Megatron. His twin thought it was how creators punish their creations, with either a well placed spank or threatening to take away something away from them. Sunny's sounded more reliable than his, but that didn't stop him from thinking otherwise.

Sideswipe brought himself back into reality to respond to his….well he wouldn't exactly call him a friend. _"Yeah. I'll go help Blue and probably mouth off those 'Cons. Barricade would probably like that I bet." _he responded to Prowl. Sideswipe kind of felt bad for Bluestreak, having to deal with those Pit raising Decepticons.

The crimson bot heard his superior give a slight exhale in relief _"Thank you, Sideswipe. I will contact you when I wish for you to come back to the flight deck to help me with piloting the ship." _his fellow Autobot told him.

Sideswipe sighed in exasperation and nodded _"got it Prowl. Sideswipe out." _was all he said. The bot closed the link and lowered his hand, crossing his arms. He looked at Sunstreaker with a glare before speaking "Gotta go help Blue with the 'Cons." he said stiffly and uncrossed his arms.

Sunstreaker looked back at him and nodded slowly "Well, We'll just have to settle this with a game of Battleship then?" the golden warrior inquired his brother. It was how they settled their arguments most of the time on their ship. They had to play the game ever since they fought once in the ship and they broke the flight deck's control panel. Prowl had been so mad that he threw them the brig. Only after they swore they wouldn't fight inside the ship would they be let outside of their cell. Next thing the twins knew after the signed a data pad of agreement was their afts being shoved out of the cell and a holoboard being shoved into their hands. So, ever since then they've been forced to play out their problems through different games programmed to the board, Battleship being their favorite. To Sideswipe it had more to do with the mini holographic explosions, not the strategy capabilities.

Sideswipe huffed but looked at his brother straight in the optics "Alright, Battleship solving our fighting again it is then." he answered before turning around and heading for the door. He stopped for a second and looked at his brother. The crimson Autobot looked at the golden one before he grinned at him. Sideswipe had a mischievous twinkle in his indigo optics "I'm so gonna kick your aft." he said smugly.

Sunstreaker looked at his crimson brother with a confident smirk "Yeah right, I beat you almost every time." he beamed. Well, it was almost true. Sideswipe believed it was a half and half situation between them. He lost count on how many times he's won over the stellar cycles, especially after their 57th game. The bot was pretty sure it was in the five hundreds by now.

He laughed and shook his head, that twinkle in his optics taking over his entire body until he radiated with mischievousness. Sideswipe shook his head in amusement "We'll just have to see then, my sociopath sunshiny brother!" he exclaimed excitedly and ducked out of the room before his twin tried to kill him. The crimson twin could already tell he was mad from that look of rage on his face.

Once he was outside of the wash racks he took off running down the hall, not wanting his twin to catch him. When he deemed he was far enough away, he ducked down a hall to his left. He knew this ship like the back of his hand, so he knew exactly where he was. He looked around the monotonous steel grey walls as he recited which path to take "Another left, then down the steps, after that it's a straight shot to the brig." he recited.

After following said instructions, he was down the steps and in the brig in about a breem or two. Sideswipe smiled as he walked through the brig door after typing in his code. He turned a corner and tried not to laugh as he saw a certain grey and red Praxian was eating some energon goodies while he sat on a bench in front of their resident prisoners cells.

Sideswipe's smile became a full forced grin as he walked over to one of his oldest friends. "Hey Blue! How do those energon goodies taste?" he called out to the sniper. He really shouldn't have done it, knowing how jumpy the Praxian got when he was alone with no one to talk to. That usually meant that he also got an itchy trigger finger, and he did not want to face down the barrel end of Bluestreak's sniper rifle.

Lucky for him, Bluestreak was in no way jumpy at all at the moment. In fact, he'd been trying to chatter off Blackout's audios, but as usual the hulking helicopter said nothing in return. It's not like that discouraged the younger Autobot from talking from everything to nothing important. The grey and red Praxian gave laugh and looked at his friend 'They're delicious!" he laughed. Bluestreak looked at the box of goodies and at his friend. He held the box up "Want one? A friend of mine made them. I hope they're still good, They were made back before the war." he asked the crimson bot.

Sideswipe laughed and nodded. "Don't mind if I do!" he cheered and plucked a goodie out of the package with his black servos. He put the goodie in his mouth and hummed in delight. It'd been a long while since he had something this sweet. Almost since the beginning of the war.

Bluestreak grinned up at his friend with joy as he enjoyed the energon treat. The grey and red Praxian put another goodie in his mouth before responding. "So, you like them? I hope you do. That friend made them back on Cybertron. I know they've been in here for a while, but they'll last for a really long while thought. So I guess they're still good enough to eat. I mean, they're bot as good as they are fresh out of the oven, but still really good." he prattled with a mouthful of energon, accidentally spitting some of the blue substance on the grey floor.

That was actually kind of gross to Sideswipe. He took a step back "Hey Blue y-" he started off before he was cut off by a certain snarky, ex-enforcer, black and purple Decepticon.

"Hey kid, Prowl never tell you to keep your mouth shut when your talk? Hah! Who am I kidding. I bet you do it so much that it goes down the wrong tube and comes out your vents!" Barricade shouted from the cell he and his team mates were in. Barricade was pacing in front of the energy shield while blackout was sitting at the back of the cell, with a panther-like Cybertronian called Ravage. Near the panther, on Sideswipe's left was his siblings, the casseticon twins Rumble and Frenzy were sitting beside each other on the tall bench, so really their legs barely went over the side. The had a look like they were glaring at each other from behind their visors. Sideswipe figured they were arguing over their personal communication links. On the right-hand were the mechanical scorpion and bat, Scorponok and Ratbat. The purple bat was hanging upside down on the scorpion's tail while he napped.

Sideswipe was brought back to his senses as Barricade tried to get his attention via his mouth spitting insults "Hey rust for brains! My former partner send you down here? Hah! You his pet or somthin'? I bet he keeps you on a short leash then!" he smugly jeered at the front-liner.

With a growl and the roll of his optics, he turned and looked at Barricade straight in the optics. His lip components curled up in distaste "Why don't you say that to my face, you sorry excuse for a retro-rat! I'm not anybody's _pet_!" he snarled at the Decepticon.

Bluestreak frowned and got to his feet, switching his rifle back to his hand. The Praxian's door wings flickered with worry as he set a hand on his friends shoulder "Hey, uh, Sides. I don't think that's such a smart idea. I mean, not only is he one of the best Decepticon interrogators, second only to Vortex, but there's also the small detail that there's that electrified energy field that'll fry your circuits and knock you offline for about a megacycle at the least. Also, there's the other Decepticons and you can only get the energy shield down by pressing a button back in the flight deck if I remember. Or maybe it's that button over there on the wall. Oh no, I'm pretty sure it's in the flight deck." the gunner rambled on, his coping mechanism coming into play as he held the larger Autobot back. "Though really you're what, a head taller? Yeah, you and sunny are about two head's taller than me." he muttered to himself.

"Blue, not _helping_." Sideswipe ground out as he rambled on. As much as he liked the younger sniper, sometimes his non-stop talking really annoyed him. He knew it was really just a coping mechanism, but couldn't he just stop for one hour? They all needed silence once in a while after the gunner went on one of his famous non-stop talking rambles.

At least Bluestreak had decency to look apologetic "Oh! Uh! Sorry Sideswipe. You know I can't control it. It just kicks in whenever I get stressed or lonely or sad or-" the grey and red sniper was abruptly cut off by Barricade shouting "Shut it up brat! Can't you see nobody cares that you have that slagging dumb coping mechanism scrap!" which cause the gunner to flinch. To Bluestreak it looked like Barricade was in the same position as Sideswipe, the small con was being held back by the huge Blackout, who's rotors seemed to be flicking in annoyance.

Suddenly, the ship's communication system crackled to life and Prowl's voice was heard over the entire ship _"Sideswipe, please stop trying to deactivate prisoner Barricade with your bare servos."_ was what the tactician said.

The front-liner snarled up at the speaker "He's the one who started it Prowl!" he shouted up at the inanimate object while pointing at the purple and black ex-enforcer with an accusing finger.

The accused Decepticon also looked up at the speaker, which was just to the left of the cell. "Oh! So, I'm _Prisoner _Barricade now?" he called up with a smarmy smile on his faceplates "Well, that must be an upgrade from _Slagger _Barricade" he called up as he laughed.

Once again, the line went silent as Prowl was probably doing his cyber-ninja calming down technique thing. After a moment, the line came back alive as the tactician talked _"Barricade, please refrain from speaking to me ever again. I thought I made myself clear last time. As for you Sideswipe, please report back to the flight deck. Bluestreak, remain at your post until Sunstreaker comes to relieve you in another cycle." _Prowl ordered them.

Sideswipe gave an annoyed growl as Bluestreak let go of his shoulders and set back on the bench, arm switching back to his sniper rifle. The crimson front-liner curled his fists and looked at the Decepticon he had been arguing with moments ago "You're lucky you're in there 'Con, or else I'd kick your aft from here back to Cybertron." he threatened.

Barricade clasped his clawed hands together and faked a frightened look "Oh no! I'm shaking in my titanium peds!" he faked a cry of fright. Then the interrogator burst out laughing at his own little joke and settled on pacing the width of the cell.

The front-liner rolled his eyes and looked back at Bluestreak "I'll see you in the Recreational Room at break time." he said before he stalked off down the brig hallway, unlocking the brig door, and continuing his walk of anger up the stairs. While he followed his mental rout to the flight deck, he thought of ways to prank the Decepticon while he would still stay inside his cell.

Before he knew it, he was typing his codes to the flight deck in and stepped inside. When he looked back up, Prowl was sitting in his co-pilot seat, monitoring the different cameras situated around the ship, keeping track of what was going on with the help of five holographic screens. The black and white tactician was also reading some data pad, probably some forum or another.

With a relieved sigh, Sideswipe dragged his peds over to the pilot's chair and sat down rather roughly in the chair, he leaned back and scrubbed his face with his servos, as if he was trying to scrub the entire day from his memory core, which he really wished he could.

"'Cons givin' ya some trouble Sides?" a voice that came somewhere from his left said. Sideswipe chuckled slightly and dropped his hands away from his face, looking to his left and finding just who he thought he would.

Leaning against one of the consul's with his arms crossed, head tipped to the side, and his ever present grin plastered to that face, cobalt visor glowing brightly. "Yeah. Ol' Cade was giving me some trouble. But Prowl here shut him up." Sideswipe explained, jerking his thumb to the black and white enforcer turned tactician sitting beside him in the co-pilot's seat.

The head of special operations gave a hearty laugh at that. He pushed off the wall and made his way around to Prowl, propping his crossed arms up on the back of Prowl's seat. He looked down at the tactician with a grin "So, ya gave Ol' Barricade a good taste of his medicine?" he asked with a grin.

Prowl rolled his amber optics and returned his attention back to the screens in front of him, moving random screens here and there. The Autobot looked back quickly at Jazz before returning to his screens "I was just doing what needed to be done. He was insulting my subordinates, not to mention one was my younger sibling. He was provoking them and I had to do something." Prowl replied.

Sideswipe frowned as he watched Prowl meddle with the monitor projections. He gave a huff of amusement "Monitor those any longer and you're going to end up like Red Alert, paranoid as the Pit and trying to lock even Optimus up." he said with a snicker.

All that Prowl did as a reply to his subordinate was a roll of his optics before going back to his screens. "Sideswipe, I believe you have a duty to do. It involves you disengaging the autopilot." Prowl said as he started to read his data pad.

Sideswipe blinked before he chuckled nervously. He leaned over his consul and flipped a switch. A feminine voice resounded through the flight deck "Autopilot disengaged.". Sideswipe grinned "There, all better." he said cheerfully to Prowl. He was about to say something like "I knew it was still engaged." but a beeping from his consul brought his attention to the screens in front of him….and the Massive green, white, and blue planet floating in front of them.

The other black and white in the room stared at the planet in disbelief, visor turning off and on in disbelief. The saboteur tilted his head to the side "Man, that's one gorgeous planet." he muttered to him self, ignoring the beeping from Sideswipe's consul.

The front-liner/pilot let out a laugh "And It looks like we have some friends down there who are trying to call us!" he said excitedly.

Prowl looked over at the pilot's consul and saw that the warrior was right, there was an Autobot signal trying to get a hold of them. The tactician leaned back in his chair, door wings twitching minutely with curiosity "Well? Answer it Sideswipe." he ordered the crimson front-liner.

Sideswipe shrugged and hit a button, letting the feed come through to their ship.


End file.
